What’s one positive trait you’ve gained because of BPD?
12.06.2025 23:52
I couldn’t, believe it.
He call us down, from where ever he stashed each one of us ,that day ! We were kept seperate.!
I wasn’t taught any boundries, our home ,was like any war zone , and Dad told us, he had bodies buried, under the floor boards.
So whats the point in blame.
We all went to grammer schools
Another so called friend had bit the dust..
Traders Scour for ‘Elusive’ Catalyst to Push S&P 500 to Record - Bloomberg
You don’ t get a state one here , in England ? until your at least 67 yrs old ! Im 63.
And i lived it daily.
My familys so full of ancestral BIG T Trauma.
Practice Report (6/9): Notes from the sideline - New York Giants
And, all my friends down the years ,where users.
One of his many names for me was Runt .He like that it rhymed with (well you know)
And ive living now since 2005, on disablement .(Which is a pittance)
Ryan Blaney hits right notes in Nashville, lands first Cup Series win of season - NASCAR.com
My mother wasn’t a tactile women ..only as babes could she touch us. After we grew ,she couldn,t touch any of us.
She died at 55 of colon cancer.
Then he’ d take out his beloved lump hammer ,show it to the kids.
I had offered the whole expense of the holiday to her, free.
But im dying ,and its too late for me.
She stayed with him because she thought he,d grow out of it. He didn’t of course!
Scientists develop 'mosquito STD' to combat malaria - Phys.org
I let him have the joy of his friends( that i would never know myself.!)
I was scared of men, in general
She married twice! .
Why do I sweat between my legs all the time, top off my legs, all way down?
Put me off passion for life!!
I think the readers, may guess!
His abuse (his own) began at 2 years of age. His mothers friend, sexually abused him, from the age of 2.
Ram to enter trucks in 2026 with possible future move to Cup for Dodge - FOX Sports
Im still living with it.
I had hoped to write a book about this .
Insight, and i can spot a wrongin from 3 miles away.
Tesla’s Retail Army Defies Musk-Trump Spat to Place Record ETF Bet - Bloomberg.com
Comes on , in middle age.
We could never speak unless he spoke to us!
And when you live in a life , of being terrified, and shocked, and permantly stressed; especially as a child born in to all this .
Nasa delays next flight of Boeing’s alternative to SpaceX Dragon - The Edge Malaysia
Her first husband, had been a gay man ,and he was a lovely person.
It was going to be , some day.
But he said ,he was sick of her anyway ,and only put up with her as i had a friend ,and seemed to be happy.
5 of us kids, and it wasn’t a big house.
He isn,t a very sexual person at the best of times!
I was seconnd youngest,
As i gave and gave ,everything to people, they began to use me.
I do have abandomment issues but they come from being left alone ,without my mum, or any of my family in a incubator for 4 months.
But my sister and my other 3 brothers wouldn’t have come near him every again!
She found it foreign!.
Your thinking ,but those kids would have been street wise?
Im dying but, im not bitter.
And as runt ,of the litter .Which of course, i actually was!
Anyway, i told my husband ,and he was gobsmacked.
We didn’t no it wasn;t normal life..we were isolated, and taken from Dublin in Ireland ,where our whole mothers family lived , to Liverpool in England!
This is how, and why children get BPD.
One women pretended to my husband she wanted to see me for coffee ,and make friends.
Although he,d calmed down a bit ..he still shouted his orders at me and thought , my older sister would be better at the job..
So he went home with my mum to her 2 other children.
Its a big thing in the States for the last 25 years.
Especially a lifetime of it.
Where the ultimate outsiders.
Ive learnt so much.
We were all going out this night to a fancy resteraunt.
The only rule us 5 kids had .
That life, was meant to be , as the world teaches us great lessons, and leaves us many gifts.
As i do to all so called friends.?
I only stopped writing poetry recently, because , of my brain tumor
Why did i forgive my father ?
(And it was in our own minds.)
Took her away on holiday ,with us, my 2 pugs her dog, a Jack Russell.
He took out the hammer, and explained again, how the smallest tap ,of this hammer would kill me in a second.
All the time i was locked up.
And i know him well ,and every thing about him. This relationship, is the only real one iIve been able to keep!
And who doesn’t know suffering?
I only knew my twisted world , and there, is no choice for a child but to live in it. Or Die in it!
Stress hormones Adrenaline and Cortosol ,would have flooded my brain, and they never left it!!!!
Its mostly always from childhood abuse .
And as she herself ,wasn’t kissed or touched as a child.
I waited trembling.
I immediatly know and see what their chidhood was. I tell them you had a awful time in childhood.
I don,t even have a pension.
He was dying to do it , i knew.
He knew the spot.
I was the most vunerable of my siblings. I was born small ,and was sickly ,and of course none of us could ever thrive!
Who then, do I blame.?
Ther’s very good reasons why i was left alone.
I did write a poem about him though, and my mum.
Because , i didnt have the heart to hurt my friend.!.
I forgave my father, and i took care of him ,until his death in 1999..my mum left us on the 29th Jan 1998.
One cannot live in the past .
A line in front of him, from the eldest to the youngest.
As i said though i will be 64 on my last birthday!
I said to her
Rather to engertic for me ,with my terrible health, but i was left to run the house, it was a Cottage in Dorset.
I was writing from the time i was a small child.
Also my liver and lungs are fatally diseased!
She wouldn,t have been !
He’d sit me down, and stand behind the chair, Then he’d make a great show of his beauty (the chesil )and place it behind my neck ,at the base!
I watched his eyes light up and his twisted smile rejoice, in his joy of it all.
They look at me amazed ,and ask me how i could possibly know it?
This is soul school!.
But im an empath, and i help lots of people.
19 years ,i spent with dear old papa.
Trauma lives in the body, as ive explained, but it actually this that kills you in the end.
I forgave my father,, and in those years i cleaned and looked after him .
The same beautiful brown eyes my mother loved so much!
Was to survive, this bastard.
We were not on the streets..
My place (mostly )was the coal hole..it was a small room heaped with coal .
For him, I cleaned and cooked and shopped, and spent the whole day, doing a weeks work) in the only day off, i had, besides Sunday.)
With Catholic nuns and Church on Sundays.
Like some twisted love , they where addicted to each other
But i am married 43 years to my husband this July !
I write beautiful poetry .
My twin will have involuntary pissed himself, but not me at least not, that day!
I was very sick at this time too.
My family never makes their pension either.
When he wanted one of his lessons to be taught!
.I left my 2 sons and my husband to do it. Instead of spending the day with them
As she had lost her son ,to fatty liver disease!
One cannot hold on to bitterness.
My mum and dad in the seventies!
Why ? because Trauma depletes the immune system.you get terribley ill , with chronic disease from all the horror ,and stress of it.
She was a women, a mother with her own children!.
He did pay me though, i made him (.After i’d trudged miles to get his pension ) Before ,it all was gone, over the pubs counter!
Its like, taking poison, and hoping the other person will die.
They are buried together, in the same grave..
Due to the real legacy of trauma (B.P.D)
I ended up cooking for her, and bringing her eveywhere with us.
Then later on when my husband had gone to the bar..she started telling me, that they where having a affair, and that he loved her much more then me ,and other loads of visious lies.
Being very nice and never wanting to say the wrong thing.
He resisted the act ,that day.
The only way to get rid of it forgood ,is sommence therapy,
I will be 64.
When she asked me how she looked .
I worked then as a chef ,and a very good one.
His mum and dad ,were Alcoholics!
Anyway ,i could never hold on to a relationship.
So i became my fathers slave and he hated me the most.
He said i reminded him of an old aunt ,who used to beat him, and when the menapause came, she was placed in a mental home and never was released ,until she died.
But people really die of the Big T Trauma!!
I could never make a relationship work though!
I have no regrets .
Although we always gave her a kiss on the cheek. She would shrink away from it!
Everytime, i saw a chronically ill person in middle years.
Trauma never leaves you! Its actually lives in the fashia ,of the body .The connective tissue.
And don,t forget my 4 months alone, in the incubator. Knowing my brother in the womb and my mother voice .The baby knows she’s alone!
I suffer greatly, because of BPD..
Im constanly in a state of FLIGHT or FIGHT my whole life
She said her life with him ,was love, and spoke to me of all the passion, it had brought her.
My only sister also couldn,t make her life work.
Do all the shopping, and cooking and look after all the dogs.
Im a true spealist, because i study it for years .And i still do..
She died young (from the stress and abuse of Big T Trauma) of liver cancer!
Im kind ,and give many things, inc money ,to any of persons in need. I have a groups of homeless beggars ..i help out daily. They all know me by name!
He was a brick layer (when he worked at all) and he carried his tools around ,hanging from a money belt.
She was deluded, and thought she could stay on for the reminder of the holiday!
I might have to go back 30 generations or more..
He’d bring us out ,and we would form the position .
But it wasn’t much.
She loved him until the end.
She was in good health!
I know ,a lot about trauma.
We wern’t close any more, the family fractured, after my Mothers death, and seeing me annoyed them ,as i was the familys scapegoat..
I got to know the terrible awful childhood, he had himself. And his Jolly Pub Persona.
Thats being isolated in a house, locked up as a child .We never saw any people except in School and we had no relatives in Liverpool!
One was a lump hammer, another was a iron chisel.
But im a psyci anyway, and i read energy and people, .
Why do we forgive? Because if we don,t
Those are used to try and block the pain, like that of my life out..
Youll pack your bags and leave Dorset.
It comes from Big T Trauma and is no fault of anyone who has it.
The apprentership one gets in Extreme Big T Trauma childhood is insight and extreme awarness.
You’d think that being brought up for so long, in those terrible circumsatances ,i would know the ways of people ,and the world, but i wasn,t in , nor of the world .
Yes, a stroke or heart attack is the reason on your death certificate.
I was 9 years of age.
Because huge Trauma like mine is alive.
I am a twin , my twin is a boy called Alan. I had a sister and 2 other brothers
I had many talking therapys , but they just don,t work.
My dad was a alcholic psychopath, and violent in the extreme.
He said i’d end up like her, and he laughed his big rolicking bear of a laugh!
Mine was extreme ,and lasted 19 years
I of course replied” arh beautiful!
On the 31st of Jan this month .
I was grabbed out of my mother hung upside down, and rushed up to the prenatal ward, to spend 4 mths alone, with, only medical staff.
Would this be the day?
We born here on earth , for the soul to learn , the contrast, of heaven.
But i went to school ,and was locked up evey evening , until he was off out on a bender..then mum would set us free, and we,d be bouncing off the walls,
I never cut or harmed myself..
Thats was my nicest nick name for him
What did i know ?
But ive been too sick for many years..
So, i spoilt her more .
She got all dolled up, but it looked as she was dressed up to play the part of , Florence Nightingale ,as she descended down the cottage stairs ,like a Queen.
But there where , these other acts only us 2 girls, would receive, (When id have rather had his lump hammer , and chisel.).
I did it because my mum asked me too!
It will be my last birthday ,as im dying of a brain tumor and 8 other autoimune diseases.
And if you hold on to hate you only die inside yourself,!
As is all addictions, people can’t leave off.
As his daughter ,he didn’t even think I wouldn,t do it. (Look after him)
The coal was sharp, and i usually had no underware! So my bare arse ,was cut and rossened on the coal..
BPD only comes to a person who has suffered childhood trauma.
Even in the coal hole, i said the lines in my head..
He weighed in at 5 lbs .I was the second born, and i weighed 3 and a half pounds.
At this time i had honed my heart to the same, as that of a lion and i knew i wouldn’t beg or cry ,nor plead.
But it has taught me many things other people will , never know!
But, we were locked up after school.
He had many friends, who didn,t know the home devil he was, for his sake ,i never enlighted them either.
My life is so biszare .